'Southern Charm' Girls Trip Recap — Everyone Needs To Leave Kathryn & Madison Alone
It’s Wednesday and YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS (that’s a throwback to Daily Grace, what up?) Anyway, it’s Southern Charm ChatCap day and Lindsay and I are back to talk about how terrible Shep is and how Kathryn and Madison deserve better. (Honorable mentions go to Cameran and Chelsea for having the best advice this ep.)
Let’s dive right into the misogyny, shall we?
Shep has his surfboard hand-delivered to Chelsea’s salon because he’s getting his hair cut that day. Did he think that might inconvenience her at all? Of course not.
L: Is Shep getting his surfboard dropped off at Chelsea’s because he doesn’t have a house?
M: What are the odds he totally left the board there? Or made production take it home for him?
L: I wonder when Shep's birthday is. This behavior is classic Gemini.
M: Hmm… the Internet says September 27th.
L: Shocked TBH that he's not a Gemini.
Shep thinks Madison did everything wrong ever, and Chelsea is like hm, no, that’s not how this works.
M: Austen is SO sad about Madison even though he allegedly cheated on her FIRST. Okay.
L: Also this is Craig's biggest dream, just to have someone else to wear a hood with.
M: I know, I really feel like Craig wanted someone else to be unhappy with him, so he forced the breakup. YES CHELSEA! SAYING WHAT I’M SAYING! “How can you be so upset about an instagram message after you’ve been cheating on each other.” Truly.
L: DRAG EM, CHELSEA. #ChelseaForPresident.
M: Shep literally just said, "The threesome was so long ago." Shep. No. There’s no rule says cheating becomes okay after a certain amount of time has passed. Also, did you notice that Chelsea said Madison showed her screenshots of Austen talking sh*t about Chelsea, and Shep said, “That wasn't cool of her.” Um, that wasn’t cool of AUSTEN to talk sh*t about Chelsea. It was a good friend thing for Madison to have showed it to her. Shep just wants to only blame the woman.
L: ANY of Shep's friends could murder someone and Shep would probably be like, "Well, what did that person do to deserve it?"
M: Only if it was one of his guy friends tho.
L: What do you think he's saying about Thomas?
M: Probably that IT WAS SO LONG AGO. Time does not heal all wounds, Shepherd.
Kathryn went on a trip with her boyfriend, so she didn’t text or call Danni back for a while and EVERYONE FREAKED OUT. Let a girl be. Geez.
L: IDK but I'm not worried about Kathryn. Is that the wrong take? Maybe she's busy. She has two children.
M: I feel like she's just doing her own thing. This is needless drama, because the women have no real drama.
L: Also her boyfriend lives in Florida, like, maybe she’s just there. I think that Danni just likes drama.
M: Okay, wait, the real reason Danni wants to get ahold of Kathryn is so she can decide whether to pack Uggs or stilettos for the girls’ trip? Pack both, Danni. There you go.
L: Pack the stilettos IN the Uggs. Save space.
L: I'm a great packer. Just something else I'm good at.
M: I can see that. You're organized. OH LOOK KATHRYN IS HOME AND SHE’S FINE. Everyone can chill. Omg, her saying Danni should “look on Pinterest” if she needs help packing. Amazing.
L: She has great lines this season so far.
M: I love a Kathryn one liner. She's so unfiltered. Also, Cameran and I have the same attitude about Kathryn, which is just stay out of it and leave her alone. She's fine, move on.
L: I also don't think that Kathryn doesn't show up for things? She just isn't available for every text.
M: Same. I can’t wait to see if Danni packed Uggs or stilettos.
L: the SUSPENSE.
M: also OBVIOUSLY not stilettos, you're going to the woods. But okay.
L: I don’t care about Kathryn's NYC trip, I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT WHITNEY HAVING HIS GLASSES ON DURING SEX.
M: I DON’T WANNA KNOW ABOUT WHITNEY AND SEX EVER EW.
L: It’s so funny.
Eliza is back and talking about her beloved childhood plantation.
M: Of course Eliza grew up on a plantation.
L: Literally just typing that. Eliza Scarlett O'Hara.
M: I’m so glad she's not on this girls trip, though. I wish she wasn't on the show at all. I don’t care about her “my dad allegedly cheated” drama.
L: Eliza saying that her father also has scars… it’s like THEN DON'T CHEAT.
M: That's the moral of this season. DON’T. CHEAT.
L: I'm going to write a dissertation called, Southern Charm & The Persistence Of Good Old Boys In American Media
M: Would read. This show is basically a microcosm for our political system.
L: Some women screaming about how men suck; the men sucking and doing only what they want to do; and a few choice white women thinking they're woke but really, really, benefitting off of the system.
Kathryn planned a girls’ trip to fancy a vineyard with fancy treehouse rooms. They do not really fit the definition of “treehouse,” though.
M: Lindsay, these are not treehouses. These are tall houses near trees.
L: Does that mean that I have a beach house? Because I live on an island?
M: Apparently. Naomie, don't pretend you're really Kathryn's friend. You probably don't actually care, you just like drama.
L: Naomie is on the show because of Craig. She rode that train in. Choo choo.
M: Same with Chelsea and Austen tbh. I can't believe Chelsea dated Austen. What a dark time.
L: Danni dated Shep and Thomas.
M: Are… all these women on the show because of the men? And then became 10000 times better when they broke off those romances?
L: I guess so. OMG. Whitney just sent Kathryn a U UP? text. OMG.
M: Omg so gross.
L: Hot take — Whitney and Kathryn should get married because they like to have sex with each other, they like each other enough, Whitney's mom likes Kathryn now. And ALSO it would really, really, piss Thomas off.
M: Okay, I want Kathryn to be happy, but I just find Whitney so skeevy.
L: I guess that's true. Okay, wait. I'm taking it all back after hearing how he is in the sack.
M: She's dating a hot musician now, right? Like, she leveled up. I can’t stand that he kept his glasses on in bed.
L: I cannot imagine that Shep and Thomas are good to a woman in bed, so I hope Kathryn is getting it done for herself now.
M: They hate the vineyard’s wine. So awk. I will drink anything so, can’t relate.
L: I cannot because I get too hungover.
M: That’s because ur old 😉
L: THAT IS TRUE. Oh, Naomie. That's a sh*t load to unpack. (Editor’s note: Naomie was talking about how she was used to having huge blowout fights with Craig, but her new boyfriend is very chill about arguments and doesn’t really yell back.)
M: Okay, but, there's nothing more annoying than when you wanna go big and get angry and someone else doesn't care.
L: That's true. Also I second what Cameran said about how her husband never puts her down. You can be as mad as you want, but you still gotta be nice to each other.
M: Yeah, her relationship is so solid. She needs to give seminars to these women.
L: "How to be treated kindly.” Anti Fucc-Boi classes. Also why are they drilling Kathryn about her relationship with the senator?
M: Because they can’t leave her alone! Danni needs to chill, tbh. Let Kathryn have a boyfriend. She's busy, that’s okay.
L: Danni is living her life for Kathryn.
M: Kathryn’s like, "I'm just living my f*cking life, man.” Exactly, leave her alone.
L: OMG, this is Danni's old fiancé that she broke up with.
M: Omg. Danni. Why. He could be her father.
L: NAOMIE. KATHRYN CAN SPEND HER MONEY HOWEVER SHE WANTS. STOP.
M: Kathryn planned this nice trip for them, and they're all attacking her.
L: Kathryn's the wisest person on the show.
The trailer shows that Shep can’t stop talking about how much he hates Madison when the problems in Austen’s relationship are at least 50% if not 100% his own fault.
L: OH GOD, SHEP. SHUT UP.
M: It is so unfair that Madison doesn't get to explain herself in interviews like the rest of the cast. She just has to watch these men beat up on her and she doesn’t get to say anything.
L: She's like Kathryn in Season 1. Well, Seasons 1-5. She shouldn't just have to sit and take it. I also wonder what it's like for her to watch the show back now, because she didn't know all this sh*t they were saying about her until now.
M: Also, they broke up. You got what you wanted, Shep. Move on.
L: The question remains: WHERE IS ASHLEY? Make this INTERESTING
M: They're gonna do that in, like, the finale. They're gonna milk this non-existent Kathryn and Madison drama for six more episodes.
L: I’m #TeamKathryn and #TeamMadison and #TeamNotShep.
M: Extremely same.
Will Lindsay and I continue to defend Kathryn and Madison to the death next week? (Spoiler alert, yes.) Come back for another ChatCap next Wednesday to find out. For now, follow Lindsay here and me here.
Have a suggestion for a show I should Chat? Email me.