'Southern Charm' Season 6 Premiere Recap — Pillows, Parties, and Dr. Eddie
Hey Charm-ers! (That's what I'm calling all you Southern Charm fans now, even though the guest contributor for this post will kill me for it.)
Speaking of guests, tonight I'm joined by Lindsay Denninger. She was one of my two kickass Bachelor/ette writers when I was an editor at Bustle. (Shoutout to Nicole Pomarico, who was my other one.) We've stayed freelancing friends since I left full-time work, and I need her hilarious feedback in my life always. That's why I brought on her expertise for tonight's Southern Charm Season 6 premiere ChatCap. That's Chat Recap, where we watch the shows you love and give you all our professional TV watcher thoughts.
The premiere was a doozy (and the season teaser was LIT) so there's a lot to get into. Without further ado, grab your drink and let's go.
Part one: Thomas Ravenel is not on Southern Charm and yet he still really is. (For background, Thomas is dealing with sexual assault allegations right now and was arrested and released on bond. He denies the charges, but he's not on Season 6 while the courts sort all that out. And, yet, all the cast members talk about him all the time and news footage of his mugshot and legal troubles are featured SO MUCH in the episode that it's like he's still there.)
Martha: I can't believe how much screen time Thomas still is getting. though. I wish they'd have made a clean cut. All the fans know what happened; we don't need an explainer.
Lindsay: Is everyone else talking about him how the show is getting around explaining what happened? They're like, "Talk about how shocked you are that he did something bad."
M: Yep, and it's how they can still have him be a "character," since he's the show's main conflict. But real talk, is he still with Ashley? And why? (Editor’s note: they seem to be on-again, off-again aka who KNOWS. Southern Charm better answer that question at some point.)
L: She DOES pop up later in the season.
M: Cameran is my fave. I love that she just won't talk about Thomas at all. "I don't want to be sued" = Cameran and every journalist.
L: I think dollars to donuts that she's drinking a strawberry shake in this confessional. It's just like, what I feel she'd choose.
Part two: Patricia is planning a party and, of course, talking about Thomas. Meanwhile, I get distracted by how much Craig loves to sew pillows. It's one of my favorite reality show plotlines ever.
L: Do you think Patricia's butler Michael is happy in his life? I hope he has a rich life outside of Patricia.
M: I feel like she takes care of him. I love his attempt at gossip: "I guess we can cross [Thomas] off the guest list." Damn straight.
L: I love Patricia's feather pen circa me in 2001.
M: Also did you SEE her cat pillows? Glad someone came through for her when Craig couldn't actually make the cat pillows she wanted.
L: He's working on them, ok? He didn't know there were deadlines.
M: His hand injury via stabbing a wall with a butter knife was a setback, obvs.
Part three: Kathryn frets about Thomas being arrested.
L: I'm not surprised that Thomas said nothing about getting arrested.
M: THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER, ASHLEY AND HIM. WHY?
L: Because $$.
M: He's not worth it.
L: Kathryn has come leaps and bounds in the years we've known her on TV but STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT ASHLEY POSTS ON SOCIAL. Court of public opinions = Kathryn wins.
M: Why doesn't Kathryn have her blocked yet?
L: Kathryn's all like looking at his mugshot and being like, Think about when we first met… but, like, that was already right after [Thomas] had his other mugshot.
M: I just googled Thomas' first mugshot and it is... a lot.
Part four: Craig *cough, Bravo, cough* redesigned his house as a sign that he is getting. his. life. together.
L: Do you think Bravo stepped in to fix Craig's house?
M: Yes, 100%. Did he ever take the bar? (Editor's note: yes.) What is Craig's job? What is he doing? Can I buy his pillows? I want a Craig pillow. (Editor's note: you can buy Craig's pillows, and I will probably buy one.) OMG he named his dog Bethany. Bethany the dog.
L: No. BRAVO named that dog Bethany.
M: Tell me he does not think that chaise lounge is pronounced, "SHAHS LOUNGE."
L: THERE IS NO WAY he decorated that house.
M: If he can't pronounce it, he didn't buy it.
L: The pronunciation in French is shez, not CHEESE.
M: He probs thinks it's a chair you sit on when you eat cheese. Cameran is the most relatable person on this show. Idk why she does this show, but I'm glad. They're lucky to have her.
L: She is, BUT.... telling Craig that she would be into him if she wasn't married???
M: Haha she's really trying to be less hard on him. She's trying.
L: I can't stand Craig.
M: Did Craig make THOSE pillows on this couch? Are they just never gonna mention that hobby again, like Austen's beer?
L: The pillows are Craig's fetch. Never going to happen.
Part five: Craig's ex Naomie has a new boyfriend named Metul and he's ripped and smart. Yet Craig is fooling himself by saying he doesn't think Naomie is actually happy with him.
M: Where did she find him?
L: In a clerb or something. He's hot and he's an anesthesiologist and it GRINDS. CRAIG'S. GEARS.
M: What a step up from Craig. Naomie's line, "You sit home and you sew" is the greatest line ever. Craig is so not over her.
L: Craig, you're angry.
M: He's deep in denial.
L: He sits on his cheese lounge every night with his fake dog and thinks about what could have been.
M: The worst part is he genuinely thinks she misses him. Men.
Part six: Austen may have cheated on his girlfriend Madison and there's supposed video proof where she confronts him and he just yells, “MADISON, MADISON” over and over again. Chelsea and Shep discuss the drama surrounding that relationship while Chelsea also picks out a surfboard.
L: OK, I saw that video when it came out and goddamn how did the other woman set up a camera in the house to film all this?
M: What a way for Madison to make an entrance onto this show. Chelsea is also my fave. The women on this show are just leaps and bounds above the men.
L: OK, I can't even listen to how much Chelsea's house costs because I live in New York. $335,000? F*ck you.
M: Did I tell you I almost moved to South Carolina on a whim? Mostly to weasel my way onto this show. Ashley 2.0.
L: I... FULLY support that. Charleston is great. WAIT, Madison has a baby?
M: Yep, I think like a fully grown child, though. He's like 10. (Editor's note: he's six.)
L: Do you ever feel like Austen doesn't have complete control over his arms? He moves them like a car dealership thing.
At this point, Austen gets himself and Madison a drink and points out that he got them real plastic straws. Madison is excited because she hates paper straws and by extension probably also hates sea turtles.
M: SAVE THE TURTLES, B*TCHES!
M: "I don't like paper straws." Well, guess what, Madison? Turtles don't like plastic straws shoved up their noses. This is the hill I die on. Why did she stay with him if he cheated on her? Who does that?
M: Ok, so a lot.
L: Anyone on Bravo, is the answer.
Part seven: Patricia's party is destined for drama because Kathryn's nemesis Eliza is there. Also there's a lot of speculation about the current status of Whitney and Kathryn's relationship. A mystery man named Dr. Eddie shows up and Lindsay and I are obsessed with knowing everything about him.
L: I have the knockoff of Kathryn's dress and it is my favorite.
M: This Kathryn/Whitney thing is.....
L: Seeing Kathryn at 22 makes me sad.
M: I know, so much has changed.
L: Those guys were such dogs to her. #JusticeForKathryn.
M: Seriously. I'm glad Thomas is out and she's in.
L: I will never understand the dynamic here of Patricia hanging out with these kids. And Whitney could be Kathryn's dad.
M: Because it's Whitney's show and he wants his mom on it.
L: Can we have Dr. Eddie on the show instead of Craig?
M: I was just gonna say, who is Dr. Eddie? I need to know everything about him.
L: He already is more interesting than Craig to me.
M: He's friends with Patricia! They go out together! (Editor’s note: It seems Dr. Eddie is Dr. Eddie Irions and he’s Cameran’s friend as well as Patricia’s. He’s a gastroenterologist, which is a word I just spelled right without even looking it up. He also has a dog named Kasey.) OMG A WILD CRAIG PILLOW APPEARS. (It's a gift for Patricia.)
L: Danni is ON THE NOSE. "Did he buy that?"
M: Patricia’s like, "I'm gonna put it over here" .... in the trash. Craig is so awkward around Naomie, this is painful to watch.
L: I like how Kathryn is dancing around the fact that she and Whitney are probably sleeping together a little again.
M: Again, WHY tho?
L: I am TEAM KATHRYN GETTING IT ON.
M: With Whitney?
L: She's had casual sex with Shep and Whitney, and it's not a big deal.
M: I liked Shep better with her.
L: Yeah, I just think she has two kids and a job and she's a busy lady and she has needs.
M: ENTER ELIZA.
L: I care less about Eliza than I do Craig.
M: She's the Ashley of stirring up drama this season. She's like, I never even mentioned Thomas, what are you talking about? Gurl, you said his name like 100 times.
L: You can't tell me that's the same person from the stables to Patricia's house today. I really really relate to Kathryn, because my resting bitch face betrays every feeling I have. Eliza, stop talking.
M: It makes complete sense that Shep brought her as his date.
L: She just graduated from college.
M: Why is Thomas friends with so many 20-year-old women?
L: Where can I get me a Michael?
M: If only.
L: Kathryn is seated at the right hand of Patricia, which makes me really happy.
M: I love how quick Pat was to be like Thomas Out, Kathryn In. I just worry that Kathryn puts too much stock in what men think of her, though.
L: Yes. This is what I think too. I think they are trying VERY hard to lay plotlines in this post-Thomas age. It's like, SLEEPING WITH WHITNEY. ELIZA. CRAIG AND NAOMIE. Relax.
M: Can we not leave Kathryn alone? Why does she need to have an enemy brought into the cast every season? Let her LIVE.
L: Cameran is like, ok, I'm gonna text.
M: Cameran is me all the time, always, anywhere.
Part eight: Eliza doesn't understand why name-dropping Kathryn's ex 100 times is upsetting her.
L: Eliza might be rich but she has no manners.
M: She is the wOrSt.
L: This is SOOOO AWKWARD. Eliza STOP TALKING. I want to put this on mute.
M: Where is Dr. Eddie? I want his opinion on all this.
L: Dr. Eddie IN. ELIZA OUT.
M: Everyone is like ELIZA, DON’T TALK TO KATHRYN, and she's like, Ok, so I should go talk to her? Kathryn saying, "I didn't even know you still lived here" is the ultimate power move.
L: Kathryn. I love it. THE SHADE
Part nine: the promo for the season airs featuring all kinds of drama, but mostly the return of Ashley.
M: THIS TEASER TRAILER. THO. INSANE.
L: In it for the hounds, tbh.
M: When Ashley showed up, I thought she was Landon.
L: OMG. Bring back Landon.
M: This whole outfit, this whole vibe… Ashley, why? No.
L: I think that Craig's pillows are coming back because he and Kathryn are in a fabric store.
M: That is all I want. I love that Cameran just doesn't want to be deposed in the Thomas business. She's like, I'm busy, I don't wanna go to court. ANYWAY, final thoughts?
L: Let's hope that the second episode has WAY LESS THOMAS. I'm so not into Eliza. I don't care. I don't have the patience. Mama is old.
M: I just want Craig and his pillow storyline and Cam + Kath one liners. That's all.
L: I want zero Craig. I want an hour-long buddy cop show starring Patricia and Kathryn where they solve aristocratic crimes.
M: 10/10 would watch.
And that’s it for this week, guys! Thanks for reading along. Catch the next Southern Charm ChatCap next week right here, and stay tuned for more ChatCaps to come about other shows. Have a suggestion for a show I should Chat? Email me.