'Southern Charm' Recap: Season 6, Episode 3 — The Women Need A Spinoff & Shep Needs To Stop
And, we’re back! I had to take a week off from recapping Southern Charm because I went out of town. But Lindsay Denninger and I are here now to talk about Southern Charm Season 6, Episode 3 — otherwise known as the episode where Lindsay and I realized we just want a spinoff with all of the Southern Charm women and none of the men.
Let’s get into all the drama below:
The show’s recap reminds us that Chelsea had a housewarming party, Craig is getting his life together with the help of an assistant, and Madison and Austen are still dramarama city population them.
L: Chelsea is such a badass btw. Her house looks amazing. And she did it all HERSELF
M: I’m obsessed with her wallpaper.
L: Also if Craig needs an assistant, I need an assistant.
M: I like that he forgot he ordered beef jerky. And also that he ordered beef jerky.
L: To be fair I order stuff before bed ALL THE TIME and forget until I wake up and see the confirmation emails. Not beef jerky.
M: Did you know that Madison was the show's hairstylist.
L: I did.
M: That's messy.
L: So, she really, really loves Austen.
Naomie is crushing her business and she can speak French like a boss. She’s still way too good for Craig.
L: Ugh, I wish I spoke French like Naomie.
M: I can order food in French. That's it.
M: I feel like that's the most important thing to know.
L: I can ask where LE TOILETTE is.
M: That too. How happy are Naomie's parents that she has her new boyfriend Metul now instead of Craig.
L: Dancing. Full of joie de vivre.
M: Hahaha yes.
Chelsea’s new boyfriend is a sailor and I learn that Lindsay’s husband is also a sailor. The dream.
M: Dating a sailor is my dream. You don't see them all the time and they come back with sea stories.
L: Also as a person in a relationship where my partner is gone all the time, I'm #TeamEveryoneLeaveHerAlone and let her be happy even if she doesn’t get to see him all the time. I get a lot of sea sunset photos.
M: Wait what does Henry (Lindsay’s husband) do again? IS HE A SAILOR?
L: He works on a tugboat in NY harbor. Yes.
M: Omg Lindsay. Living Chelsea's life and my dream.
L: I'm not sure how you didn't know that, but he is, yes. I'm gonna build a house like Chelsea.
M: Just don't build it in NY, it'll be too expensive haha.
Voice of Reason™ Cameran is back at it again with wisdom about motherhood being hard.
L: Remember when Cam didn't want kids?
M: yes it's wild that she had one. I kind of love the baby name Palmer. It's grown on me.
L: I wish her mom was on the show more. She's so the voice of reason
M: So is Cam. Also I completely agree with her about worrying that something will happen to your child. That is how I feel about my dog. Like, it's almost a curse to love her so much because if something happened I don’t even know what I’d do.
L: You can't let your mind go there!
Lindsay still hates Craig, part #6547.
L: Ugh literally every time I see Craig I want to throw up.
M: It's so funny how much you hate him
L: He bought himself a new car because he broke up with Naomie? GET OVER YOURSELF. GET A JOB. A REAL ONE
M: HE SEWS, LINDSAY!
L: I dislike people who blame the world for their problems. Craig sees nothing wrong in himself. Craig and James Kennedy are cut from the same white boy cloth.
M: So are Shep and Jax.
L: Yep. And they're older so it's sadder. They’re like 40 years old.
Kathryn has an expensive apartment and a nice car and everyone wants to know where the money came from and why she’s spending so much. Lindsay and I are also intrigued, but we realize that no one really ever asks the same of Shep and Austen or, like, any of the men on this show, so it’s not really fair. Kathryn deserves better.
L: DAMN KATHRYN HAS A ROLLS-ROYCE? Girl I hope you have a 401k What's your portfolio like? Kathryn, have you diversified your assets?
M: Her apartment is like $6500 a month. It is insane. But, like, get it gurl. You deserve it. I can’t believe she’s dating a senator.
L: She's not dating him anymore, though. She's dating that musician. [“That” musician is country singer and America’s Got Talent star Hunter Price.]
M: Wow, I cannot keep up.
L: The senator was a democrat, which is better than her previous relationships. But from Florida? No.
M: How did they meet? He seems so not in her circle. [Unclear, but the rest of the cast seemed to hate him, so I guess it’s good they broke up.]
M: I just want her to have a good relationship. Or, better yet, no relationship.
L: Also when men call their exes crazy, that's a red flag. It’s good she got out of there. I agree that she’s better off alone.
M: I feel for her, though. I think she's panicking about losing Thomas to prison and being a single mom. So she's trying to find someone else.
L: Well, she'll have Thomas' money, so there’s that. Is Thomas even a good dad?
M: I feel like he's a warm body. Aka he's, like, there.
Shep, who is usually the lighthearted part of the show, is being a little too Boys’ Club-y this season.
L: I think I have 0% fuccboi tolerance today because now Shep is on my screen messing with a barista and I hate him too.
M: I just wrote about him being single, and he's like, "I find everyone annoying, that's why." And I’m like MAYBE THEY FIND YOU ANNOYING.
L: And he's speaking on speakerphone on his phone in public which is an inexcusable offense in my book. Don't get a dog, Shep. Your mom is already taking care of the other dogs you got. This show should just be called "White Sons Living Off Their Parents."
M: Shep's dog Craig and Craig's dog Bethany can be friends. It’s funny the difference between the men and the women on this show. Like, all the women are crushing it professionally and personally.
L: A microcosm of the millennial experience if I ever heard it.
M: Very yes.
L: Chelsea's testimonials are always the best because she's like, “THERE'S THIS GOOD OLD BOY SH*T AGAIN.” Read 'em, Chelsea.
M: Cam always does too. I love them.
Austen and Madison are trying to make things worse even though there are rumors that one or both of them cheated.
L: Do we like Madison? I can't tell.
M: Mmm, I'm not sure. I like her more than Austen. Wow, Austen knows what a blowout is. GO HIM, HE LISTENED TO WHAT MADISON’S JOB IS. *Rolls eyes.*
L: Wow, Austen picked up on one word of the female experience, let's give him a medal. A statue!
M: A yacht in his honor. Shep will buy it for him. He's team Austen no matter what.
L: It's going to look like a Lonely Island video.
The women plus Naomie’s boyfriend Metul have lunch in a swanky Charleston establishment and it’s giving me FOMO.
M: Having been to Nashville now, I just wanna go to Charleston and eat and drink.
L: Charleston is great.
M: All these restaurants look so good.
L: The food is great. Not to change the subject, but Metul is hot.
M: I cannot get over what a step up from Craig he is. Like a whole flight.
L: Get on the space shuttle. That's how big a step up. I don't know how Chelsea is on this show. She is a functioning adult. Danni, too. They have real lives.
M: And Cameran. I'm telling you, the women need a spinoff.
L: You're right. All the women. Naomie was touch and go there for a little bit when she broke up with Craig, but I think everyone can relate to her post-breakup mood.
M: Yeah now that she's done with him she's flourishing with Metul and her business.
L: What I think is interesting with all this Madison talk here is that all of the women know her already. So this isn't like, jealousy or something, for them to be bringing up the drama with Austen. She's been doing their hair for YEARS.
M: Yeah, that's true. She's been part of their cast for a long time, even if we didn't see her. I also feel like they're mostly like, gurl get out of that relationship.
L: Yeah. She doesn't need this nonsense.
M: That Austen allegedly had a threesome and now he's like I COULD MARRY HER is, like, men in a nutshell.
L: What were we saying before about warm bodies? Bingo.
Shep and Craig have an intervention for Austen, because they, of all people, think they know how to dole out relationship advice.
L: So in this intervention scene, Shep is dressed for bed and Craig is dressed for the ski slopes. And Austen is... in between.
M: I'm so annoyed that their intervention is ABOUT MADISON and not ABOUT AUSTEN. Even if they both made mistakes, he's not faultless.
L: Is this the crux of the drama for the whole season? If so, this is going to be a LONG SEASON. This can't carry for 10 more episodes and 3 reunions.
M: No, once Ashley comes back it'll be about that.
L: I hope that's by Episode 6. Here's a hot take — what if Shep messes up all of his friend's relationships because he wants them to be alone and "fun" like he is? Because he's celebrating that Austen could be single after this.
M: I'm annoyed that we don't get Madison's take on any of this. It's all Austen's word
L: Madison, please can we see a Bravo.com blog from you.
L: Let's just take relationship advice from Shep and Craig. They've had such great long-term relationship where everyone loved and learned… oh wait.
M: It's like when the new Bachelor asks Chris Soules for advice. Or Ben Higgins. Or Nick Viall.
L: ALSO how does the fact that all the guys know Madison, too, play into this? She's not a random
M: TBH, if she's doing hair, they probably don't have much time with her. The women might know her better
L: Yeah, let's be real, Craig does his own hair. A professional wouldn't put that much product in it. Also, it is disgusting how happy Shep is that Austen is momentarily single. Misery loves company.
M: Shep is THRILLED. It's gross.
L: I hate him.
M: I used to like him. He’s been pretty bad this season, which seems like it’s a plot point too for the cast in later episodes.
L: CHELSEA WITH THE BOOMS. “If you want someone that doesn’t cheat on you, then be a good man and don’t cheat.” Can Craig put that on a pillow?
M: I would buy that. I’m so excited that next week they’re going on a girls’ trip. Get the camera away from these men for a while.
L: I'm pro that. Pro no Charleston men. I'm pro making Southern Charm look like the beginning of Wonder Woman. Strong women as far as the eye can see.
M: These recaps are always just me hating on the men and praising the women, but I can’t help that’s how they act.
L: Listen, like Chelsea said, if they want us to LIKE THEM then they shouldn't be sh*ts.
M: I like your phrasing better.
L: If you don't like, it, get better. That's my motto. #ScorpioLogic
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