'Harry & Meghan: Becoming Royal' Recap — The Lifetime Sequel Puts Meghan's Cookbook In The Spotlight Instead Of Her Wedding
Welcome back to ChatCaps, where I recap a movie or TV show via chat with an expert. Today we're recapping the Lifetime movie Harry & Meghan: Becoming Royal. It's the sequel to last year's smash hit about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s engagement, only this one is the sequel about the royal wedding (kind of), Meghan's cookbook that's not really hers, and racist tabloid media coverage. (It covers a lot, OK?)
I'm joined by Lia Beck, who, aside from being an awesome writer, is also an expert on all things Royal. She used to run Bustle's celebrity coverage and could probably recite Meghan Markle's father's multiple TMZ comments by heart. Once upon a time we wanted to start a Royals podcast together called We Will Never Be Royals (trademarking that right now, BTW, so don't steal it), but so far this is as close as we've gotten.
So let's dive into the manufactured, delicious drama that is Harry & Meghan, Becoming Royal.
Part one: The movie starts with Meghan Markle filming her wedding on Suits, which means it's effectively spoiled Suits for me now.
Lia: Omg, I thought it was starting with her marriage to Trevor Engelson or whatever his name is haha, but it's just Suits. (Editor's note: that was actually Meghan Markle's first husband's name that Lia just pulled out of nowhere and spelled completely right. I told you she knew her stuff.)
Martha: They def didn't just shoot the giant wedding scene last, but ok. Her last scene was probably just her, like, doing research for court. (Editor's note: Can confirm that last scenes are rarely that dramatic. Kit Harington's Game of Thrones sendoff was just him trying to stop Grey Worm from killing those last five Lannister soldiers.)
L: Haha, they had to give her a more meaningful send off.
M: Did they.... change the actress who plays her from the first movie?
L: Yeah! and the Harry actor too!
M: WHY? Were they BUSY?
L: I'm sure 'cause they didn't want to do it again.
M: Puh-lease. Looking like Meghan was that other actor's biggest break.
L: Dude, no. They were in real stuff. I interviewed them; they were lovely.
M: I wonder what they're doing instead then? (Editor's note: Murray Fraser, who played Harry in the first movie has done exactly nothing since then. Parisa Fitz-Henley worked on a horror adaptation of the 1970s show Fantasy Island. Like they were sooooo busy.)
Part two: The British media is represented via a talk show called Good Day UK. It's anchored by Caspian who is racist and Bridget who used to have "an Instagram friendship" with Meghan. Also, enter Lifetime's version of Prince William, who is… a choice.
M: I hope there's a real show in the UK called Good Day UK.
L: WOW THIS WILL.
M: Omg they always do Will so dirty in these movies. What did Will do to Lifetime?
L: This one looks more like him than the one in the first movie, tbh.
M: But in a really scary way, yes.
L: Wait... Harry put up a paper printed out sign for Meghan? What does it say?
M: "Welcome" but that's all I can read. Maybe it's, "It is your birthday."
L: Hahaha thats the first thing I thought of obviously. "Welcome to the Royal family."
M: "You are a princess." (Editor's Note: it actually said, "Welcome To Your New Home," which is just as dumb.)
L: She's like, "You didn't have to do all of this." But he just put up paper sign and had a bottle of champagne. They have zero chemistry so far.
M: Also he def made an assistant do that. So far I hate them. Mostly I'm very excited to see Lifetime's take on Meghan's dad
L: Oh, wow. I didn't know that was in this.
M: I don't see how it wouldn't be. Omg bitchy Kate is back from the first movie.
L: She looks so frumpy.
M: She's technically pregnant, so...
L: I know but they gave her a weird bump/dress. Is Prince Charles the guy from The Nanny???
M: Maybe? I've never seen that.
L: How!?!?! Anyway, I looked it up and it is him.
M: I just remembered the part in the last movie the queen told Harry he was "of mixed race" and I cringed so hard.
L: I will NEVER forget. I think about it often. And this is that same queen, who seems nothing like the actual queen. Also this guy playing Prince Phillip is just a generic old man.
M: I mean, so is Phillip. He looks more alive than the real Philip though.
L: Exactly. This guy is like 40 years younger than Phillip.
Part three: It’s the royals first Christmas with Meghan. She wore a hat that looked like poop and rightfully got called out for it.
M: That hat was bad.
L: Oh yeah. Awful.
M: There is literally no way that they play CHARAHDS (their pronunciation) on Christmas in ball gowns.
L: Hahaha. And also no way Harry would tell Meghan to dim her light!
M: ALERT! THE QUEEN IS CHARAHDING!
L: Someone put the movie Get Out in the chaRAHDS hat??? Lol it was Edward. Poor Edward. Why are they doing this to him. Also Phillip is def the same age as Charles.
M: I think Charles may be older tbh.
Part four: Meghan is planning her wedding guest list with some input from her mother Doria who is the best in both this movie and real life.
M: Doria! Doria looks like she's younger than Meghan. What is this cast? Doesn't she look like 30?
L: She's pretty youthful IRL. I'll take it.
L: Lol at them saying, "We got Oprah" for the guest list. This is making Meghan seem like a fame whore.
M: Was she actually friends with Oprah because I doubt that.
L: I don't know what the deal is there. Gayle King was at her baby shower, but then Gayle also hosted a special on Meghan that aired recently. So something's up. (Editor's Note: Allegedly she and Oprah are friends according to the media, but I still doubt that.)
M: I thought they were gonna say the letter was from her dad. WHERE IS HER DAD? I WANT HIM STAGING PICS! (Editor's Note: Meghan Markle's father infamously worked with the paparazzi to stage photos of him "getting ready for the wedding." It was awful for Meghan, but pretty entertaining for an outsider.)
Part five: Meghan is very upset about the Grenfell Tower fire which killed dozens of people and displaced many others.
L: Omg Meghan! this english lady knows what the Grenfell Tower fire is! I know this is for the audience, but, like, don't show this lady a video of a tragedy happening!
M: This is Lifetime, Lia. They thrive on trauma.
L: True true.
M: I love that Will and Kate are just their royal advisors, always quashing Meghan's American spirit at every turn.
L: Will: "I don't wanna support fire victims!" Will two seconds later: "Okay, yeah, good idea. Supporting fire victims!"
M: The news anchors were like, "Oh she's doing charity before the wedding!" Like how dare Meghan wanna do charity while she's planning a wedding! I would trade our leadership in a heartbeat. Like, that's amazing. Give me her instead of Trump.
L: Haha she's not their leader!
M: Hahah I knowww. But still.
L: In that case, yes, I would also trade Meghan Markle for Trump.
Part six: the queen is allegedly mad that Meghan wants a white dress even though she's already been married.
M: "ONLY viRginS WeAR WhiTE." I'm sorry, Kate and Will dated for seven years before they got married. They def had sex and she wore white.
L: Yeah they're like just straight up making up stuff.
M: Pretty sure it would have been way frowned upon for her to NOT wear white lol. Breaking protocol. Meghan's fave.
L: In my head, the queen was like not that involved in any of this.
M: Aside from the formality of allowing the marriage I doubt she was involved. She's busy AF.
L: Also, she is very old. And I just feel like she's like, "Of course I'm not directly dealing with any of this."
L: Also, I want to note that this assistant said to Meghan, "That old queen sent this old queen to watch you." We shouldn't go on without mentioning that.
M: Haha, fair. I got distracted by Meghan saying that her designer designed an exclusive fabric exclusively for her. Exclusively. It's like a Daily Mail headline. EXCLUSIVE.
L: Haha totally.
M: Omg at the assistant calling himself, "Pale, male, and stale." These are some ONE liners. Also there's no way Meghan would have crossed her arms and demanded, "Well what about my tiara?"
L: Yeah. This is absurd.
M: Justice for Real Meghan.
L: Meghan should get the tiara that she gets. You don't just show up and demand a tiara!
M: Also I liked the tiara she had, why is she complaining? You’re fine, Megs.
M: Omg, Lia. This whole scene. Meghan just said, "The closest thing I have to religion is yoga." I'm dying. I hope Meghan watched this and laughed at its absurdity.
M: Also Meghan is crushing kidnap training. I'm not surprised. It's all that yoga-ing
L: So I guess this movie ends at the wedding? So that we can get a third movie about the baby?
M: Yeah, I bet.
L: Thomas Markle!!!
M: FINALLY. HER DAD IS ALL I WANTED TO SEE.
L: I'm sad that he sucks. But I think it was very much the right thing that he didn't come to the wedding after all this. Was there really a paparazzi pic of him jogging with hand weights? lol
M: Um. Yes.
L: Wow. Also I think the Meghan actress is pretty good. I'm ready now to make that statement.
M: Hahaha. I think acting wise, yes. But the other one looked more like her. I'm not convinced this isn't the same Harry.
L: Dude, he looks completely different.
M: I have facial blindness, it's not my fault.
L: Oh yeah. I forgot. Who did you think brad pitt looked like?
M: No, I thought Bill Murray and Tom Hanks were the same. It's Brad Pitt's disease. (Editor's Note: Facial blindness is a real thing that both Brad Pitt and I have where we can't really recognize people that well.)
Part seven: Meghan Markle's dad's paparazzi scheme gets uncovered, he suffers a heart attack, and it's announced that he's not going to walk Meghan down the aisle.
M: Omg her sweatshirt says "Spiritual Gangster." Where can I get one of those shirts? I want it. It's TERRIBLE.
L: They're real. I've seen them a lot. I remember covering all this Meghan Markle dad drama and all the conflicting stories came out in like a 24 hour period. It was crazy. He talked to TMZ like five times in one day.
M: He's his own Lifetime movie.
L: I would def watch. And also one about Samantha (Meghan's half-sister). And one about Doria, obvs
M: Obviously. I'm still so glad Charles stepped up and walked her down the aisle. He's had such a glow up in the public eye.
L: Hah, I like referring to it as a glow up for a 70 year old.
M: Hahha. It works.
L: This is a sweet moment with Charles. Still can't believe you haven't seen The Nanny, though.
M: I don't even know what it's about.
L: A nanny.
M: Ok. Well.
L: She's from Queens and is really eccentric and is the nanny for a rich Manhattan family. He plays the father who the nanny falls in love with.
M: Ok, I'll add it to my watch list. (Editor's note: I won't.)
L: I mean, I don't know that you need to watch it NOW. It's just crazy you didn't see it in the '90s.
M: I didn't see much in the 90s. We didn't have a TV.
L: Oh well, there ya go haha. And now look at you!
M: I know a real glow up ;)
Part eight: Meghan and Harry's wedding is about to begin, and we don't get to see it.
L: I hope they show the reception since that's what we didn't get to see in real life.
M: YES. Same. Did they use real footage for the crowd scenes?
L: Oh, looks like it, 'cause it's grainy which.... non-grainy footage of this exists so...
M: I was gonna look up this Doria actress to see how old she was, and she's not even on the IMDB page.
L: Damn. That's cold. I should have become an actress. Had I only known the demand for mixed actresses would increase so much.
M: Well, they didn't show the reception but they did show the post-wedding sex.
L: There's still like half the movie left??? How did they not show the wedding??? Also did Meghan and Harry DVR the wedding to watch after they boned??
M: I hope that really happened. I watched it four times that day
M: Oh good they're having a mini marriage ceremony complete with vows in bed. That's cheaper to shoot I guess.
L: Oh god, I hate this.
M: My biggest problem with this movie is they made Meghan cheesy, and I don't think she is.
L: Omg Harry just said, "Can we make a baby now?" NO NON ONO NONOO NONO.
M: SEE? THEY ARE NOT LIKE THAT IRL. THEY ARE COOL AND MODERN
L: I think she seems like she'd be cheesy IRL, but I don't think anyone should ask about making a baby like that.
M: No, that was horrible.
L: I really thought half the movie was going to be just the wedding, and I'm really disappointed.
M: It's too much about her cookbook, which I don't care even a little bit about. Secretly this movie is just an ad for the book.
L: I want that book, I'm not gonna lie.
M: I wanna write an article about trying her recipes. Or maybe I'll just do another Instagram live of me cooking them.
L: They're not her recipes! Aren't you listening to what she's saying!
M: Lia, no. I have no idea what this book is.
L: She explained it on the iPad! There was a huge fire of a big apartment high rise and a lot of people were displaced from their homes, so they started a community kitchen. The book raises money for them, and meghan wrote the foreword and worked with the women at the kitchen.
M: Oh, ok. See this is why I needed you. For the context.
Part nine: Good Day UK is talking about all of Meghan's post-wedding exploits. Lia and I are still mad they didn't show the actual wedding.
M: I guess, in their defense, recreating the wedding would be hard, because you have to find doubles for like Oprah and George Clooney. Although the Suits people are free. They could have played themselves.
L: Haha they could've at least done a closeup of them exchanging vows. Not in a bed.
M: Yeah the bed was… a choice.
L: This really is more way about the cookbook than I expected.
M: SEE? I TOLD YOU.
L: To be clear, I expected it to be zero amount about the cookbook.
M: Same considering I didn't really know what it was. Like, did Lifetime have a stake in the book? Are they making money from this?
L: No! Which is why it doesn't make sense.
M: I feel like they needed to show she's caring, and they WENT IN on the book.
L: Yeah! She did other stuff!
M: I can't... remember anything tho.
Part ten: Meghan Markle visits the dog she left behind in America and also cold-heartedly gets a new dog just like that.
L: Bogart (the dog) is like, bitch you left me behind.
M: I'm still mad about that. I would never leave my dog. (Shout out to Pip.)
L: She still gets to visit him!
M: Omg she's pregs. Pregs Megs.
L: You could be a host on Good Day uk with lines like that!
M: I would CRUSh that job.
L: Aww puppy!
M: OK, it's rude that she abandoned her dog and then just GOT ANOTHER ONE.
L: Yeah and said she's her "favorite thing in the world." I literally cannot imagine being pregnant and training a puppy at the same time.
M: She has a staff to do the training.
Part eleven: Meghan in a dress fitting and she's determined to buck tradition much to her assistant's chagrin.
M: "YOU REALLY HAVE TO WEAR PANTYHOSE."
L: If an old man told me i had to wear pantyhose I'd slap him.
M: I'd slap him with the pantyhose.
L: Hahha. In what world is Meghan's stylist also the person who decides how to announce the baby news?
M: In Lifetime's world. He's also her cookbook manager and therapist.
L: They don't like to have too many characters.
M: Ok her real book is called "Together," and the movie one is "To Gather."
L: Ahahahahah omg. I didn't notice. The Good Day UK guy just referenced Bridget's friendship with Meghan again and I need answers.
M: SaMe. I also feel like she's growing tired of her co anchor and I need to know what's going on there. When will she snap and defend Meghan?
L: This guy is going off on her.
M: The idea that nail polish can be rebellious is so funny to me. Like honestly I don't think the queen cares that Meghan had black nail polish. The queen wears neon green suits.
L: No, me neither. That's a myth that she cares. And harry wouldn't be a dick about it either.
M: Yeah for sure. Harry dressed up as a NAZI for halloween once. I think Meghan can wear whatever color nail polish she wants.
L: I like that she said, "For the right reasons."
M: Same. If this doesn't work out she can be the Bachelorette.
L: They don't put black people :(
M: Ugh, you're right.
Part twelve: Good Day UK's Bridget finally has had enough of her racist co-anchor attacking her Instagram Friend™ Meghan. This is also when we realize that Lifetime has cut whole chunks of the movie out on its online version, which is what I'm watching.
M: Bridget you've got this. Go off.
L: Oh wow, I'm not where you are. I'm at Harry giving her a really tacky ring.
M: I DIDN'T GET THAT SCENE. Rude.
L: He gave her a ring that says "love" that he probs got a Dillard's.
M: Gross. That "love" ring is a real ring Meghan has, btw.
L: Oh wow. It's like, kinda cute. I just was surprised that was what he had in a box and said he got it like specially made.
M: It's a lil tacky. Cute but tacky.
L: Oh I just got to Bridget. Yes Bridget!!
M: Omg Caspian her co-anchor is so racist.
L: I knew one of 'em would be racist. Hahah I love Meghan watching this with a green juice. But! It looked like she had a plastic straw. Unrealistic.
M: Ugh, Meghan. Save the turtles! (Editor's Note: This is still the hill I will die on.)
L: I'm sure the real Meghan loves a metal straw.
M: I agree: Also I love this calculated planning of Meghan and Kate agreeing to show the press that they like each other. I 100 percent believe that this happened.
L: Haha I thought it was offensive how Meghan was like, "I'll let YOU stand out for once."
M: This movie needs more Charlotte and George and less cookbook.
L: Excellent casting for this George. I never thought of Meghan being their aunt haha. Is that weird?
M: Yes, haha. Wow, yay, Bridget got a new anchor to replace the racist one.
L: You are missing another scene, dang. I have a dinner scene.
M: UGH SO RUDE. I just wanna watch this movie, why?
L: William gave her a Christmas present that is a framed picture of her royal arms. It looks like he got it printed at Kinkos and pasted it to a piece of wood.
M: Her... royal arms?
L: Yeah, like the symbol thing.
M: Ohh, coat of arms? I thought it was a pic of her biceps.
L: He called it royal arms I think haha. I'm at tea with the queen now.
M: Don't have that scene either lol.
M: I'm telling you my version of the movie is all cookbook and Good Day UK.
The final part: the movie ends with a montage of all the moments we've already watched and then a real photo of Meghan and Harry holding their baby. Lia and I decide we could have written a better movie.
L: Lol at this montage of pics that were used in the movie earlier.
M: They did that in the first movie too, I think.
L: Yeah. I love it.
M: They don't know how to end these things lol.
L: Oh wow she had the baby already. Really glossed over that one
M: Ugh what about our baby sequel, LIFETIME?
L: This was a mistake. This could've been three different movies.
M: The wedding should have been the focus. That is my biggest critique.
L: Yes, and then fake info about what happened at the reception.
M: Yeah! This was our chance to see it happen! Instead we got bedroom vows.
L: We should have directed this.
M: We should write the third movie.
L: IDK how to write a movie, but yes.
M: I don't think these writers really do either, so...
L: Hahah true.
That’s all they wrote, folks, so we’re out! Have a suggestion for a show or movie I should Chat? Email me.